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| dear whoever reads this,
for ages, i have spent my life being someone i know i'm not, just to fit in to society. i have been branded all sorts; cold, selfish, ignorant, shallow, weird, different etc. maybe i am these things, but the truth is nobody knows me and neither do i. i don't know anything about myself, i don't know my likes, dislikes, qualities, interests, personality, cons.all i can hope is one day i will, and i'll find someone who can show me who i am.
"i've spent ages reading books, wishing i was someone else" - me.
| | |
| And for a moment we're alone.
And we both know that we're trapped.
Breathe in slowly,
Are you listening?
On this muted block
Everything is paused.
Your glow, blinding, breaches my pupils.
My twisted imagination.
It has a mind of its own.
So wake me for this dream.
My crooked precognition.
Its distance from the truth grows.
Please wake me from this dream.
it's like you know the words but you can't hear the music
You've lived a lie for so long, now you believe it
You're shooting silver bullets and taking magic pills
I'm asking you, do you know a way to delete my conscience?
From the bloodline of vicious serpents
A dreadful heart within a lovely shell
A demon's heart, but with the face of God
This is our last broadcast.
We're recklessly looking for the truth,
and we'll tear this place apart.
There is hope for us yet.
Hope is there.
Little soul, your dreams are waiting
Grab them up, hold them closely
Never let go
Never let go
So tie a rope around my neck, pull it tight
Until it breaks. You can't kill us
We will never fucking die.
| | |
| birthday on monday :)
sweet seventeen
in the silence it became so very clear
that you had long ago disappeared
and i cursed myself for being surprised
that this didn't play like it did in my mind
It's a lovely summer's day
And I can almost see a skyline
Through a thickening shroud of egos
Is this the city of angels or demons?
 
welcome to the museum of the dead; endless gore becomes reality
You can't swim in a town this shallow
You will most assuredly drown tomorrow 
And me, I'm in my bedroom drawing in my notebook
Because my hand thinks I'm an artist
But my heart knows I'm a poet
It's just words, they mean so little to me
I can't seem to deal with total trust
There is something very wrong with me so here i go to see the world
with my eyes and with my soul
and too much love, so little hate
the devil inside won't control my fate
oh infamous city, full of turmoil, i'm terrified at your collapse
the kings, they shudder with horror, their faces distorted with fear
endless empires gently brushed away in the blink of an eye
all creation, wilted. And me, I'm in the bathroom
Crying out my eyelids because it's hard to be a man
When you are scared like a little kid
The world has become a little too mean
And I can't see the point of patient love
When everyone just wants to get fucked 
With a perfect understanding of the finer things in life
A quite alarming knack of knowing when to twist the knife if you feel discouraged
when there's a lack of color here
please don't worry lover
it's really bursting at the seams
from absorbing everything
the spectrums a to z 
blind to the last cursed affair, pistols and countless lies
a trail of white blood betrays the reckless route your craft is running.
feed till the sun turns into wood, dousing an ancient torch
loiter the whole day through and lose yourself in lines dissecting love. because if seeing is believing,
then believe that we have lost our eyes 
when i took the blame
we layed in ruins trying to quote your phrase
we're yelling, "someone's got the answers,
but i'd rather think there's nothing to be found"
i will avenge my ghost
with every breath i take
i'm coming back from the dead
and i'll take you home with me
i'm taking back the life you stole
we spent the night locked in the thrash zoo!
we spent the night locked in the thrash zoo!
elegant hands knit delicate plans
And in the end we'll fall apart
just as the leaves change in colour
and then i will be with you
i will be there one last time now
toss me like a rope
and hopefully you'll have their approval
inside the imitation that I loath
with the callow hands and the bad knees
all suckers for the taste of illusion
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years spinning in circles
holding hands
the world is a blur
except when you're standing 
you fell upon me like a plague
weakness sweet weakness
but i digress
after all this...
you're just like all the rest
when you feel your soul drop to the floor
like a hole
like an open bleeding sore
then you'll have bled like i bled
and you'll have wept as i've wept 
For a moment when the blare of the tv subsides
And then song fills the air, playing every night
A change in the key feels like a change in the season
I'll shout and I'll scream
But I'd rather not be seen
And I'll hide away for another day
And if they end it all by the end of tonight
If the big bombs drop down over this quiet Edison sky
We'll blow one last kiss to all the beautiful nights like this
under the central jersey skies
I see my baby.
She's starry eyed.
I feel my bones break all the time.
I see my baby.
She's starry eyed.
She follows.
Don't call me unkind. 
you just keep on repeating
all those empty "i love you's"
until you say you deserve better
i'm gonna lay right into you you're not hopeless or helpless
and i hate to sound cold
but you dont know what love is...
you just do as your told
These false starts, these small meals
They're for my, for my starving hands
Just treading, just treading shallow waters
Avoiding the drop, the drop in the ocean floor
We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead
I started sending you a note
on how I hope that you’re happy
I hear you’re somewhere in the sand
and how I wish I was an ocean
maybe then, id get to see you again
Well drop me a line with a hook and some raw bleeding bait
Well I'm uncaught and still swimming alone in the lake
Shimmering under the moon made of anger and hate
I was the one who was always repeating it
Shimmering like a penny out of reach in the subway grate
shimmering like a coin kept safe away, you’ll never listen to anything
You could never work well with our group
Not with flaws we found
So we've fixed you with cement galoshes
And no one can save you now
Even if you have friends among fish
There will still be no air to breath
You could drink up the entire ocean
But we'll still find someone to be everything we know that you will never be.
Our legs begin to break
We've walked this path for far too long
My lungs, they start to ache
But still we carry on
I'm choking on my words
Like I got a noose around my neck
I can't believe it's come to this
And dear, I fear
That this ship is sinking tonight
Close your eyes
There's nothing we can do
But sleep in this bed that we made for ourselves
You're trapped in your past
Like it's six feet under
I'm sprinting yet I stride
My satchel filled with vials
The secrets of the tribe
The cameras follow me for miles
They strapped me to the roof
and they cut right through me
Diggin' through my wounds
I watched them hopelessly and choke
There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
and all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah
When I am in the sea, You gaze down from the sky, trying to see me
But I am just a blur, Through the waves as I scuba dive below the harbor
When I'm alone at night, I dream you paint the stars against the twilight, Suspended in the air
I wish your silhouette would always stay there
I am married to your charms & grace
I just go crazy like the good old days
You make me want to pick up a guitar
And celebrate the myriad ways that I love you
Turn me back into the pet that i was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set.
Check out all the people yeah they're queuing just for you tonight
Didn't cost you much, and yeah you gone and got the lime light
Well just hide away and print the plans for us to dominate
Maybe we should act, for now were gonna hesitate
Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right
My stomach speaks to me in foreign languages
and my abdominals have become artwork
So I stand in the sun,
And I breathe with my lungs,
Trying to spare me the weight of the truth
Seeing everything you've ever seen was just a mirror,
Spend your whole life sweating in an endless fever,
Laying in a bathtub full of freezing water,
Wishing you were a ghost
Well, I'm a weak and lonely sort, though I'm not sailing just for sport.
I've come to feel, out on the sea, these urgent lives press against me. I'm just a guest.
I'm not a part, with my tender head, with my easy heart.
These several years out on the sea have made me empty, cold, and clear.
Pour yourself into me.
you’ve got flaws
that you wont admit
yet you tell me its a sin
that I don’t believe in God...
you traded in your cross
for a chance to dance with stars
now nothing is sacred
one week is a long time
one month is a long time
one year is a long time
god damn, time takes it's damn time
you’re the only one i turn to
when i feel like no one’s there
and when i’m lonely in my darkest hour
you give me the power
to sit and pretend
i want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
and i want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
| | |
| She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I cant help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
I should have picked the photograph
It lasted longer than you.
If you're Bonnie, I'll be your Clyde.
But the grass is greener here and
I can see all of your snakes.
You wear your ruins well
Please run away with me to hell.
She wants my teeth to wear
She wants my hell to bear
Well missy it's a lock for load
If you wanna grind hips don't do it alone
Don't save no dance no not for me
Just cut me out
You crept up like a disease looking like a girl only trying to be saved
Your heart was trying to bleed and you're taking the right road if you're talking to me
Well you thought you'd tear my skin from bone
Just cause it was cold and you needed a coat
And you were there
And I was every question that never had an answer
I see right through you
We never even noticed that
There always was a reason
That we were never meant to be left alone
This feels like neverending
Boy it's tough getting on in the world
When the sun doesn't shine and a boy needs a girl
It’s about getting out of a rut, you need luck
But you’re stuck and you don’t know how, oh
Tap tap on my windowsill and I won't let you in, no.
Cheep cheep from a sparrow says you ain't gonna win, no.
Carve your name into my heart, better than a tattoo or a photograph.
Put your face on a contact lens, only I have been to all the places we've seen and,
Where am I gonna go gonna go it again
Help I'm alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft
Tough to be tender
Come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train
Help I'm alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
| | |
| wasting the hours now, we're all suckers for tragedies,
we'll start this over again, and you bring us to our knees.
so wait up, i'm not sleeping alone again tonight
there's so much to dream about, there must be more to my life
< this envelope will represent my heart.
i'll seal it, send it off, and wish it luck with it's depart.
this stamp will be every action that carry my affection
across the air and land and sea
should i trust the postage due?
to deliver my heart to you.the streetlights flicker and then they fade
like every good intention that i've had pretty little birds all singing in the street
few trees left, bare and shivering
in this hollow bitter street
and our roles have been filled, as they should with hidden messages in secret songs
this is my last breath of air if i could be anything, i would be medication for you
and everything that you've done wrong
if i could be anything, i would be one medal of honour
for you and everything that you've done rightcall me pathetic, call me what you will
just please don't leave my side
you're so medicated
you don't even remember my name
well i'll bite my fingernails until it hurts no more
to dig you out, to dig you out when we get out we get drunk
and we get high and don't talk
we just walk and walk and walk until we find ourselves alone
but at least we've got each otherso take your cold, cold heart and drown
and don't forget to take deep breaths.
kill the directorcarrots help us see much better in the dark
don't talk to girls; they'll break your heart
and this is my head and this is my spout
they work together; they can't figure anything out coin-operated boy, sitting on the shelf, he is just a toy
but i turn him on and he comes to life, automatic joy
that is why i want a coin-operated boy
made of plastic and elastic, he is rugged and long-lasting
who could ever ever ask for more
love without complications galoreit's only a fabrication
this place is all in my head and as long as it's okay with you i think i'll stay right here.
i got no where to go cuz where to go is up to you, dear.
happy as a clam i see the glimmer in your eyes.
hold you through the night and watch that colorado sunrise.kill the lights,these children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks,
It feels right, all these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright. you kiss me like an overdramatic actor
who's starving for work
with one last shot to make it happeninto my heart confusion grows against;
the muscles fought so long, to control against the pull of one magnet to another.
magnet to another, magnet. calm down, i'm calling you to say,
i'm capsized, erring on the edge of safe.this life looks like a sentence,
though a constant game of falling short maybe i would have been something you'd be good at
maybe you would have been something i'd be good atstick your hands inside of my pockets,
keep them warm while i'm still here. | | |
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True
